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The Framily Plan: Week 6 – Marriage and Relationships, Part 2

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The Framily Plan is a series at Society Church all about learning to lead and leave behind a legacy of faith in our families and friendships.

Being a Peacemaker in marriage and relationships means initiating honest, hard conversations.

1 Samuel 25: 23 When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before David with her face to the ground. 24 She fell at his feet and said: “Pardon your servant, my lord, and let me speak to you; hear what your servant has to say. 25 Please pay no attention, my lord, to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name—his name means Fool, and folly goes with him. And as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my lord sent.

COMMUNICATION KILLERS

  1. Failure to Listen – James 1:19- Not taking the time to actively listen, cutting in on the other before they are done talking.
  2. Defensive Listening – Proverbs 18:13- “Yeah but”
  3. Disrespect and Dismissiveness – Proverbs 18:2- “Whatever Attitude”
  4. Cutting, Critical Remarks – Ephesians 4:29 – Using words like “always” & “never”
  5. Hinting – Ephesians 4:14-15 – Speaking plainly, instead of trying to make the other person read your mind.
  6. Clamming Up – Ephesians 4:26-27 – Passive aggressive, “fine then I just wont talk to you, ever again”
  7. Blowing Up – Proverbs 29:11 – Becoming Aggressively Confrontational
  8. Grumbling, Griping and Complaining – Philippians 2:14-15
  9. Lying – Proverbs 12:19
  10. Distracted/Distractions – Proverbs 8:6 – Turn off the TV, phone, ipad and laptop. Stop doing what you are doing and look at the other person and actively listen to what they are saying.

COMMUNICATION BUILDERS

  1. Daily Dialogue – 2 John verse 12- Take time to talk (dinner, after the kids go to bed, learn about each other)
  2. Special Times, Special Places – Mark 6:30-31 (Date night, morning or lunch, where you talk. Ikea, or Orphan)
  3. Speak Heart to Heart – 2 Corinthians 6:11-13 (Be vulnerable with one another)
  4. Learn the Levels: Facts, Opinions, and Emotions – Proverbs 20:5 (Not every conversation has to be about feelings!), Respond to feeling with feeling, fact with fact, opinion with opinion.
  5. Live and Love with a Little Lighter – Romans 12:17-21 (Learn how to laugh and have fun together, be silly, playful and flirty with each other)
  6. Tone, Touch, Expression and Attention – Mark 10:16, 21, Proverbs 16:24 (Its not always what you say but how you say it, what is your face or body saying without words)
  7. Common Courtesy – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Ephesians 4:29 (Take turns sharing and asking questions)
  8. Share the Spiritual – Matthew 18:20 (Talk about God and your spiritual life)
  9. Say You’re Sorry, Faithfully Forgive – Colossians 3:13 (Learn to own your mistakes and forgive others)
  10. Copious Compliments – Philippians 4:8, 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (Use words of affirmation, appreciation and encouragement)

Being a Peacemaker means using your words to encourage and affirm each other.

1 Samuel 25:26-31 “Now, my lord, as surely as the Lord lives and you yourself live, since the Lord has kept you from murdering and taking vengeance into your own hands, let all your enemies and those who try to harm you be as cursed as Nabal is. 27 And here is a present that I, your servant, have brought to you and your young men. 28 Please forgive me if I have offended you in any way. The Lord will surely reward you with a lasting dynasty, for you are fighting the Lord’s battles. And you have not done wrong throughout your entire life.

29 “Even when you are chased by those who seek to kill you, your life is safe in the care of the Lord your God, secure in his treasure pouch! But the lives of your enemies will disappear like stones shot from a sling! 30 When the Lord has done all he promised and has made you leader of Israel, 31 don’t let this be a blemish on your record. Then your conscience won’t have to bear the staggering burden of needless bloodshed and vengeance. And when the Lord has done these great things for you, please remember me, your servant!”

Being a Peacemaker in Marriage means Listening+Doing & Timing

1 Samuel 25:32-38- 32 David replied to Abigail, “Praise the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you to meet me today! 33 Thank God for your good sense! Bless you for keeping me from murder and from carrying out vengeance with my own hands. 34 For I swear by the Lord, the God of Israel, who has kept me from hurting you, that if you had not hurried out to meet me, not one of Nabal’s men would still be alive tomorrow morning.” 35 Then David accepted her present and told her, “Return home in peace. I have heard what you said. We will not kill your husband.”

Leading and Leaving a Legacy of faith and love in our marriage means having God at the center of our relationship.

1 Samuel 25:41-42- 41 She bowed low to the ground and responded, “I, your servant, would be happy to marry David. I would even be willing to become a slave, washing the feet of his servants!” 42 Quickly getting ready, she took along five of her servant girls as attendants, mounted her donkey, and went with David’s messengers. And so she became his wife.

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